Outsiders

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Badwell Drive by Joe Ogden

City Dawn Part 1

Dawn. The sun, a deep red through mist, rising over the gas storage towers. He sits out on the balcony of his eighth floor flat. Black coffee again; the milk was off and he could never remember to buy coffee whitener. Pulls out a yellow box and slides out the blister pack, Prozac Fluoxetine 20mg, an index finger presses against the bubble marked Friday, and like a miniature intercontinental missile breaking out of its silo bay, the green and cream capsules shoots through the silver membrane, with the ‘crinkle’ of foil. Without stopping it carries straight on, hitting the rim of his gold plated glasses. What happened from this point may be one of those hallucinations often associated with Fluoxetine, at the dull ‘pid’ of E131 hitting gilt, relative time slowed, the green and cream projectile arced its way over the balcony rail and out into open space. Falling the five of the eight floors to be plucked out of the air by a passing raven. Not normally noted for it’s mid air interception skills the raven, surprised and shocked, swallows this tip-bit from the gods without question, It’s potent chemical affecting the ravens relevant ‘T’cell gene sequence, its ascendants would over the next four million years revert back to their dinosaur ancestor, pterodactyls. He slipped out of the dream just in time to see this leather winged creature fly toward the now fully risen sun.

Mark walked back into the flat to return a few minuets later with his S.L.R. camera: removes the lens cap off the telephoto, puts it to his eye and points it towards the near distant hills. A woman walks her dog through the park. The swing seats had been set on fire some time ago and nobody was going to renew them, not in this generation of youth.

‘The young don’t care, they’ll only torch them again.’

The dog sniffed at the fossilised trees, stone like stumps in the ground. A million and seven years ago they would have been part of a large everglade, swamps and mango groves. He knew the exact date as he had lived at the flat seven years. The dog cocked up its leg and peed on them. As an ironic comment on Mark's life, really.

She, the dog owner, looks straight into the lens as if she could tell that half a mile away some one was watching her. ‘Click,’ the camera scanned the horizon once more. Making its way up the hill on the far side of the park, he focused on a milk float. It stops and out jumps the milkman, his tongue pressed against his top lip. His cheeks bellowing in and out, Dizzy Gillespie style. Whistling, he had to be whistling. Yes. ‘Click.’

Finding Dawn’s window wasn’t easy, she’ll still be in bed. The window, part open, the coloured dyed parachute silks bellowing back. There she was lying on her bed. It was warming up now and the mist was clearing. The covers were pushed back. Pregnancy makes a woman look so beautiful; her baby was due any day.

He put down his camera and walked back into the living room. A strange thought entered his head when he caught a glimpse of himself in the long mirror. In is mind’s eye he could see an old man in a brown suit with his shirt tucked down underpants; the rim of this undergarment clearly visible above his Chums trousers waist line, giving a talk on ‘Symbolic interaction and the common deviant.’ A strange thing for a pair of trouser to talk about, but who knows what the technocrats had up their sleeves for trouser artificial inter-leg-inteligence. Was that vision really going to be him in forty years time? Looked down to make sure his underwear wasn’t hanging over his belt. Then realised it could not be him, he wasn’t going to live another forty years.

Out of the kitchen back window, down in the square below, the local kids were gently stoning the parked Hurst, out of respect for Mainline Jack. After 50 years of drugs abuse, he was murdered by his step daughter. Buying Lily that baseball bat for Christmas wasn’t one of his brightest ideas. After beating him to death with it, she then found she had to go to the chippy for herself, after all. This annoyed her some what, but she was sad too; ‘Jack had been a good dad, and dealer.’ A day later when one of his punters called, they shared a splif, the punter took the rest of the stash and called in the cops.

Outside now Lily was handcuffed to the wing mirror of the Hurst. It slowly pulled away. Lily would have to walk through the city in shame, to the cremmy. Possibly the furthest she’d ever walked in her life. Mark stuck two fingers up as a salute. ‘If the bastards don’t get you, the baseball bat will.’ He pulled down the blind. Second coffee time.

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Loose Ladies Day Outting by Lady Anne Mantal

This was the last of the season’s jaunts for the LOOSE Lady’s Local History Re-enactment Society. Already in May we enjoyed the day in Westmoreland, at Synergy Castle; the home of Sicklands from the Thirteenth Century time, until it passed into the surgical truss in 1952. Here too were the makings of a large bouncy castle with rubber walls, knights, horses, buxom wenches and hairy peasants. This re-enactment was lots of fun, however Lady Fanshaw remarked that having boiling oil poured over our heads as we stormed the gates was, quote, ‘a tad over the top.’ for her liking. Only two dead and three maimed in this muster.

The architecture, the furniture, the pictures and the domestic appliances: kettles, cooker; cauldron, all contribute to the opulent living. But a Thirteenth Century Castle, be it large or pokey, that is lived in is more homely than the a block of concrete on the fast lane of the M6; that was rubbish living there. And so it was with Blowhard Hall. There we were received by the owner, Col. Parker-balls and accompanied him on a tour of the manor to see yet more furniture: pictures, bandaged gear; whips; handcuffs and weekly prodding of the butler with a pointy stick. He being a gentleman's gentleman, a ritual going back to 1974, before leaving for Sugerwalls and afternoon tea with scones. On the coach, Lady Fanshaw explained the meaning and gave exacting demonstration of the ‘cucumber number’ and a very strange thing this sex thingy must be, hey Ladies? I’m sure my parents never did anything like that! Sugerwall's tea was nice, however I couldn’t face down the creamed filled scones after her very graphic demo.

The evening excursion to Downonham Hall was the jewel in my box, as this is where the gnomes must live, so pokey, only ten bedrooms. Yet there we were received like Ladies, which of course some of us are, including Trevor (a very big lady) by Lord Clitheroe himself who shook hands with everyone, then extended his warm lordly buttocks to each of us, which Lady Fanshaw kissed with gusto, remarking on ‘how much less pimply they where than Col. Parker-ball’s.’ We were shown more furniture, boring really, so we kicked it about a bit and left.

In our last outing and where we began this newsletter, the unexpected visit to Bradford’s own Crack House on the Little Horton Estate, which as not as grandiose as some of the places we visit, being a ‘back to back??’, was interesting. Once we gained entrance, by the ritual ‘Booting of the Door.’ We were shown to one of the rooms by the daughter of the household, where she introduced us to Lord Muck.

It possesses a homely charm and customs, such as ‘Passing of the Rap’ – a type of peace pipe, than the Smack followed by ‘E’ and the ‘Bunk Up’ - a strange naked horizontal dance, damp type of thing? After a really tiring visit we all climbed into a big green UFO, rolled up the sky and winged our way home. Lady Fanshaw remarking on ‘how we should visit the big orange hairy trees in the new season?’ I think! So a good time was had by me, on many return visits to Little Horton. LAM

Sunday, May 23, 2004

The Bottom Rung

We get no lower then this.
"First and Last"